i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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