ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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