let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
