vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
