I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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