I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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