doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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