if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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