I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize