Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
