I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
