i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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