To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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