Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
