so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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