I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
