y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm too high and old for this...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
