definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
