Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
