I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think my fart just growled at me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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