he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
