he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
