Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
