I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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