WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize