The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
