She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
