ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im part way to drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
