I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
