I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
