i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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