do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
