Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
