Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
