Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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