Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
