It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize