Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
