A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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