me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
