foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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