Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can Purell be used as lube?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
