is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
