you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We left the knife in your bed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
