Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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