I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
