sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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