Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
