plz talk dirty to me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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