I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So many bounce houses so little time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize