I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
