Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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