so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
