I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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