when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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