No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
