My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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